the nicest thing a stranger ever did for me happened quite a few years ago. my daughter had turned 6 or 7, and i didn't have any money for presents or a cake. we had gone to the donut store down the street so i could at least get her her favorite donut and some hot chocolate. she mentioned that she wanted a barbie, and i told her maybe next month i could get it for her. i guess a man overheard our conversation and as we were walking away, he came up to me and said "you dropped this." it was a twenty dollar bill. i was like, no i didn't. he was like, "yes, you did." and he put it in my hand. i bought my daughter the barbie she wanted, and had enough for a cake. he really made her birthday a special one. and that was the nicest thing someone has ever done.

   

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i'm on a lot of psych meds, so i'm always having weird, scary dreams. but i think the ones that get me the most, are the ones where the world is gonna end, and there are these soldiers falling from the sky that land to kill everyone. there are thousands of them that cover the sky, and everyone is trying to hide. i am the only one who is protected by some kind of forcefield, and as i stand there, cause i can't move a muscle from fright, i hear people screaming and trying to run. i close my eyes and pray, then i finally wake up. this is a reoccuring dream, and sometimes it's a little different, but usually the same concept.

   

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every now and then, i will take the bus to the city i used to live in. basically cause the town i'm in now is soooo boring. it's about a 40 minute drive, so it gives me a lot of time to think and reflect. we pass by the college where i was a student for a whole two weeks. i planned on being a nurse, but between my daughter being sick from a hole in her heart, and my own stress, i had to quit. then we pass by the pancake house where me and my aunt used to pig out. we would each have 10 silver dollar pancakes and the biscuits and gravy. there were a lot of places that we pigged out at. no wonder i'm fat and have diabetes.
now we pass by the hardware store that sales eggs. i always found that very strange, but that's where my grandma would shop for them. this takes us to the stop i get off at. it happens to be across the street from the hotel my dad died in. i look up at the windows and wonder what room he was in when he died. he was drunk (as usual) and choked to death on a piece of meat. this happened 30 years ago. i was about 13 when it happened. i still remember my mom coming into my room and before she could say anything, i asked her "who died?". i don't know why i asked that question, but somehow i knew that something had happened. at first i thought it was my grandma, but my mom told me that my dad had died. then she told me how my dad had died, and i totally freaked out.
anyway, as i walk around, i see kids that are my daughter's age, and i wonder if they are children of the people i went to school with. i see the restaurant where me and my boyfriend would order apricot brandies at the age of seventeen, and the people would actually serve them to us without asking for i.d. i guess it was because i've always been a big girl, my body grown way beyond my years.
things in this city have sure changed since i lived here. but the memories still haunt me, some good, most bad....